I’ll admit, right now, that it is going to be very difficult to let another man take responsibility for my daughter’s heart. I am very protective of it and I don’t want her to get hurt.
But like we’ve discussed in previous episodes of the podcast, letting go is a must. It demonstrates to my daughter that I trust her discernment and her ability to take care of herself. Mistakes are also is a necessary part of any young relationship, and she needs to move through them with her new boyfriend/husband, whenever he shows up.
The 3 Most Important Things To Look For
Even though she’s going to have to work through painful situations with whomever she is in relationship with, there are certain qualities or characteristics he can possess to make that process more productive.
Quality #1—The willingness to grow and change
Self-awareness is, in my opinion, the number one factor that will make for a good relationship. Finding a boy/man (I’m still not sure what to call him yet) that is aware of his flaws and weaknesses and is willing to try and change them and improve means that, even though he may make mistakes that hurt my daughter, he wont’ continue to make those mistakes.
If he’s willing to learn and take feedback and criticism and correction and can humbly listen to those that are wiser or have more experience, then he will continue to offer better and better things to my daughter.
Quality #2—An Eternal Perspective
In this podcast series, you’ll hear that our approach to life puts a strong emphasis on spiritual things. We believe that there is more to this world than what can simply be seen with the naked eye. And we believe that those things have an influence on our daily lives.
I want my daughter to find someone that also understands this reality and makes his decisions with these things in mind. I’m not interested in those boys that simply go to church or say they believe in God. The man that lives a life demonstrating that he makes decisions based upon how it will impact eternity is what is important to my daughter—and to me.
Quality #3—Someone who fits well into our family
Currently, we have 4 kids, of which my daughter is the oldest. At holidays and special occasions we have 6 people at our house. But in the next several years, as my children start to couple up, we will have an extra 4 people involved in our family—their boyfriends, girlfriends, and/or spouses.
It is our hope that any new person that comes into our family will add to the joy and happiness in our family instead of bringing discord or divisiveness. We want them to feel safe and welcome by each member of our family. We want them to look forward to spending time with our family instead of looking for excuses to not be involved.
I know this is no guarantee, and there are lots of people and personalities that are going to have to play well in the sandbox together. But it is still a significant hope for my daughter.
In This Episode
- “We should talk about boys”
- The 3 most important things to look for in a potential mate
- #1—The ability to grow
- #2—Someone with an eternal perspective
- #3—Someone who can fit into our family
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